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Writer's Block: Wintertime is here

The winter holiday season depresses me. Everything is over commercialized and the real reason for the holidays, I think, were lost along time ago. Thanksgiving is over commercialized for the food and Christmas is over commercialized for the presents. I feel that is people actually remembered what the holidays are about, things would be better on everyone. Well, maybe not everyone, if people aren't shopping as much and the big box stores don't have nearly as much business.

The only real "holiday" I tend to like to celebrate is Halloween. To me it signifies the changes that take place between the old and the new before winter comes. (I also tend to feel the same way at the end of the winter when spring comes but there is no holiday to associate it with except the solstice or spring equinox, whichever you want to call it)

Writer's Block: Supersize me

Have you ever boycotted a company or product? If so, what was it, and what caused you to boycott it?

The only gas station I go to (if I can help it) is Hess, I don't do ExxonMobile, Shell, BP....the only other 2 I would do, at least in NH is Gulf or Irving.

Second degree burned

Friday night....at work....typical night

I was working on a job that had to get cut, chipboarded, and glued. I planned on staying late to at least get the job chipboarded. That changed quick.

I took a break from cutting since a coworker of mine needed to cut another job to get it done and shipped out the door. So I decided to take this opportunity to change the hot glue in the glue machine since it was a dark brown color and hadn't been changed in two weeks. Bad idea on my part since the gloves used to protect your hands are about 5 sizes too big for me. One of the gloves slid off my hand and I got hot glue on two of my fingers and I sustained second degree burns.

Now I am all blistered and a bit sore from the experience, all because I am the only one who will change the glue and the gloves are to big for me.

That is the price I must pay, I suppose, to be a factory worker...
1) Must Answer Each and Every Question Honestly
2) Tag X People at the end of it.

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[ ] bought porn
[x] tried drugs


[x] taken painkillers.
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine.
[x] lied to your parents (hasn't everyone???)
[x] lied to a friend
[x] sneaked out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die


[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[x] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident.
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar


[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[ ] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[ ] wore arm bands.
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[ ] listened to rap Innevitable
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD.


[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[ ] dressed punk
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[ ] fainted
[ ] had a crush on a neighbor


[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush


[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[x] seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[x] cruised the mall.
[x] skipped school
[ ] had surgery
[ ] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping (with reason)
[x] caught something on fire
[ ] Lied about your age.


[x] owned/rented an apartment/house.
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[ ] been harassed


[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight (I was a teenaged girl, HELLOOO???)
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[ ] been called a bad influence.
[x] drank and drove.
[ ] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test


If You Have Less Than 10..write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10..write [I'm still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average]
If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid]
If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60..write [I should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70..Write [I should be dead]

haven't been on in awhile

Well, here I am! I haven't forgotten about this page, just kinda lost track of myself, I guess.

Nothing much is going on in my life. Just been working and I FINALLY started making teddy bears. Once I get some faux fur, I'll have a small variety to choose from. I have a leather bear and a regular fabric bear (baby print) right now.

Things are going a lot better with me and Josh. He's in school and working part time. He's doing well in school and is actually looking at getting another part time job on top of his current one and school.

I kinda hate our roommate now, though. Not to dis him or anything but he failed to pay his part of the rent and we were threatened with eviction. Ugh. Right before the holidays and it's really freaking cold and I have nowhere to go. Well, no. I do. I take that back. But I refuse to live with my mom and Josh's parents due to the fact of.....well......just a whole slew of things.

That's basically it right now. :)

work and life

into my third week at work......its ok.....I am doing the best I can, which is all is ever asked, and most nights we make our numbers. But I'm not happy. Overall, I think I'm just not a third shift person. Yeah I can sleep during the day, that's not the problem. But other areas of my life are being affected by it. I don't have the ambition to do anything, really. Josh doesn't feel like having sex. I am slowly spiraling down into a depressed state that I feel like I have no control over. Good thing insurance starts in a couple of weeks for me. I really need to start seeing a psychologist again I think. I don't know what I want anymore out of life. I used to think I wanted to get married and have a child or 2. Now I just don't know if that is even what I want. Josh pushes me away whenever I try making an advance at him which pisses me off. He even had the nerve a couple weeks ago to call me fat. Yeah I already know I am, why run it in my face? I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I'm sorry I'm not skinny, I'm sorry for even being fucking alive and using air that could be used for someone else who is prettier and skinnier than me. Why is life so damn hard when you try so fucking much?


So I just started my started my job this week. Six days later (I worked one shift of overtime), I was told by my new coworkers and my boss that I did a great job for my first week.

Now that I have a new job, I guess Josh is going to start school in the fall for accounting. I still have qualms about out relationship, mostly having to do with his infidelity before. There  has not been any proof of him being unfaithful this time around but (and I don't know if anyone else ever feels like this that has been in my shoes) I just have a hard time trusting people, especially after being hurt. I know I haven't been the best girlfriend, in fact there are days I am far from it....but I like to think I am at least of somebody loving me. I have worked countless hours to pay both my and Josh's bills, even before he moved in with me. I brought him lunch at work twice a week when he worked 45 minutes (probably closer to a half hour) from where I lived. I dealt with him being unfaithful, even though he was only physically unfaithful to me once but he showed evidence of possibly wanting to be unfaithful multiple other times which (in my eyes) is just as bad as actually being unfaithful. I dealt with him being unemployed multiple times, provided I was unemployed for awhile myself. Now, I know all of these things do not make me a saint, nor do they entitle me to question my relationship, nor do they explain why I feel this way. I don't know what I should feel, how I should act. Everyday is an uphill battle for me to even do little things. The two easiest things to do, for me at least, is to get up and to go to work. With just those two things, I know that classifies me as NOT clinically depressed. I find it hard to be around other people outside of work and I find it hard to love people, especially my immediate family and Josh. I know if I were to be alone, my life would not get any better in that respect. I know being with Josh brings him down. I know I'm not perfect.

I sometimes think that I was born in the wrong place or the wrong time. I think I would be better off in a commune environment of sorts, like a hippie thing almost. No religion, no excessive drug use, just us living off the land and working together to get to the common goal. There just aren't many places like that anymore. Only ones I can think of are the Amish communities and I don't think I could change my life that drastically.

I guess I just have to deal and try to figure out in my own head what to do. I can't imagine my life without Josh now, but then again at the age of 10 I couldn't imagine my life without my father in it.


Well, after what seems like forever, I finally have a job. I am hoping to start this upcoming Sunday night. Third shift hours...gotta love it, haven't done that in 9 years.


So I haven't really posted anything on here in 5 weeks since, well, nothing was really happening to me. But I can now say that I have an interview for a job Monday morning. I really hope I get it. I need to start doing something again. I let myself go. I gained all the weight I lost back, I go days sometimes weeks without shaving (provided yes I know it was winter and very cold out). I am just happy to have the interview I suppose.

I also picked up a new hobby, making stuffed animals. I have yet to complete one but once I do I will post pictures of them up here as well as on my facebook account.

Thats about it I suppose.